Do you usually think, “I’m not good enough” or “I accept and like myself?”
If you answered the former, then it’s time to replace those limiting beliefs. They get you nowhere at work.
You are not alone. Many women, regardless of their upbringing, education, work experience, age, or position have issues with self-confidence at work in situations with potential employers, managers, co-workers, and subordinates.
Feeling insecure sabotages our efforts. What’s worse is that we telegraph how we feel about ourselves to others, who then take our cues and reflect them back to us, thereby perpetuating these feelings.
Working in what is still largely a male-dominated environment doesn’t help. Men still essentially own the workplace. Here’s some troubling statistics according to Mother Jones magazine:
· Since orchestras started requiring musicians to audition behind screens, the number of women hired has increased 20 percent.
· 86 percent of guests on Sunday morning political talk shows are men.
· In 2005, only eight Fortune 500 companies had women CEOs or presidents (now there’s 12)
But despite the fact that women, and in particular, mothers, are still discriminated against, Mother Jones also reports that companies with women in top jobs see 35% higher returns than those without.
For those of you who may need some help strengthening your self-confidence in the workplace or anyplace, here’s a six-step process you can use. It parallels the coaching process and keeps the focus on… yourSELF: Self-Aware, Self-Accept, Self-Control, Self-Assess, Self-Advocate and Self-Care.
Self-Aware. Take stock of your current reality. Keep a journal over time of when you feel the worst about yourself and review it periodically. Are there themes emerging about the people and situations that trigger you? Do you break out in a cold sweat each time you have to present something to a group or ask for what you want? Do you suddenly draw a blank when an interviewer asks you to describe your best assets?
Document, not just where your self-confidence dips but also when it peaks. When do you feel the most confident?
Finally, take a global view. Explore how you see yourself, how others see you, how you would like to be seen, and how you must be seen to be effective. Examine all results for insights.
Self-Accept. Let go of negative self-talk. The “I’m not good enough” conversation is the quickest way to feel stuck and paint yourself into a corner.
Do office politics make you crazy? Do you worry about what other people think? Say this every day: “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
Everyone has fears, doubts, and things they’d like to change about themselves. Feel them, accept them, but then deal with them. Start turning negative self-talk into positive affirmations: Say this in the mirror daily: “I am a talented, competent person who deserves the best.” Corny, but it works!
What other small thing could you start doing to accept yourself more?
Self Control. Acknowledge your responsibility for your own life and your career. The work environment leaves little leeway for emotionally driven exchanges which are usually non-productive. To be the most effective, learn how to respond, not react. Separate feelings from thoughts and actions so you can navigate situations independent of whom you’re with or what you’re feeling.
This takes practice. One good resource is Daniel Goleman’s book, “Working with Emotional Intelligence.” “EQ” has been proven to matter twice as much as IQ, technical expertise, or leadership training as a predictor of success in the workplace.
Self Assess. What are your passions, strengths, talents, values, styles, wants, and needs? Take some time to reflect and write down as much as you can in each area. Are these being met in the workplace?
Ask yourself: If I had no limitations, like fear or money, what would I want to do?
Building a detailed, specific, and inspiring vision of where you want to be helps you achieve it. For example, if you’ve been coveting that management job, visualize yourself already there…what are you feeling? What kind of work are you doing? Whom do you work with/for? What difference are you making? Visualizations are a powerful tool for creating abundance in your life, as well as for reducing anxiety and building self-confidence.
Self Advocate. Now that you know who you are and what you want, take control! Set concrete, realistic goals and make and follow a step-by-step plan to achieve them. Setting goals here may resemble the performance review process, but on a much more personal level. Promote yourself; put your intention out there. Every conversation is an opportunity. Sir Isaac Newton’s first law is, “A body at rest tends to stay at rest but a body in motion, tends to stay in motion.” The more action you take, the more positive reinforcement you get, and the more likely you are to stay in action until you achieve your goal! Develop a solid, well-planned strategy for meeting your workplace goals that includes marketing yourself and building and sustaining momentum. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Self Care. It’s important to honor yourself. Treat yourself like you want others to treat you, with the emphasis on “treat.” When you reach your goal, pat yourself on the back – and set another one.
Acknowledging your accomplishments builds self-confidence. And positive self-talk is a component of self-care.
How will you reward yourself when you reach your goal? Remember, you are what you think. Changing your thinking from “I can’t to I can,” getting clear on who you are and what you want, taking responsibility for your career, setting goals, getting and staying in action, and rewarding yourself for even small milestones can do wonders for your self-confidence…and your success in the workplace!
“She is able who thinks she is able.” Buddha, slightly modified
“You have brains in your head,
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose!” Dr. Seuss
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